When Your Child or Young Adult Is Using
Finding out your child is using drugs or drinking heavily is one of the most frightening things a parent can face. You're scared, angry, and unsure what to do. Help is available — for them, and for you.
The fear every parent knows
You found something in their room. Their behaviour has changed. They're lying, staying out, losing interest in things they used to love. You might have confronted them and it went badly. Or you're watching, waiting, not sure if you're overreacting.
As a parent, your instinct is to fix it — to control the situation, remove the danger, make them see sense. But with substance use, the harder you push, the more they often pull away. And meanwhile, you're exhausted, your relationship with your partner is strained, and your other children are being affected too.
How I work with parents
I use the CRAFT approach and systemic family therapy to help parents:
- Understand what's driving the substance use — beyond the obvious
- Respond in ways that keep the relationship open rather than shutting it down
- Set clear, consistent boundaries without constant conflict
- Recognise the difference between helping and enabling
- Manage the impact on siblings and the wider family
- Look after your own wellbeing — you can't support them if you're burnt out
- Encourage your child towards help when they're ready, without confrontation
You are not failing
Parents of children who use substances carry enormous guilt. You replay every decision, wondering what you did wrong. But substance use is not a parenting failure — it's a complex issue that no amount of good parenting can entirely prevent.
What you can do is change how you respond. And that change — in you, in the family environment — can create the conditions for your child to find their way back.
Common questions
My teenager is using drugs — is it too late for family therapy?
It's never too late. Family therapy can help at any stage — from early warning signs to active substance use to recovery. The earlier you seek support, the more options you have, but there is always something that can shift.
Should I search their room or phone?
This is one of the most common dilemmas parents face. There's no single right answer — it depends on their age, the level of risk, and your relationship. Therapy can help you think through these decisions rather than acting from panic.
Is it my fault my child uses drugs?
No. Substance use is complex and influenced by many factors — peer group, genetics, mental health, availability, life experiences. Blaming yourself keeps you stuck. What matters now is how you respond.
Will my child need to come to sessions?
Not necessarily. I often work with parents alone, especially at the start. Your responses and the family environment have a powerful influence on your child's behaviour. Sometimes the child joins later when they're ready.
You don't have to figure this out alone
A free consultation is a safe place to start talking about what's happening.
Book a Free Consultation